He Has Set His Affection On Us

The Story of Me Part V

One aspect that I love about God is that he is never caught off guard. So many things can happen in our lives that throw us off balance. Fortunately for us, it is not that way with him. 

An email saying that this specific YWAM base wasn’t accepting international students didn’t throw off his plan. God maneuvers in our lives in such a unique and specific way. I’ve learned to be grateful for that. 

There I was, less than a week from graduating high school and I had no idea what I was to do. Luckily, God did. Within the next month, I found out about a ministry school taking place in my hometown and the station manager of WJTL asked me if I wanted a part time job. Wow - a job in a field that I was planning to go to college for, minus the four years and $40,000 in debt. Yes, God, your plan is always best. 

I started working at WJTL in August of 2005 and became a student at Harbinger Ministry School that September. Through both I learned so much about myself. The year surrounding ministry school included some of the best and worst moments for me. I hesitate saying worst because truth is, without the worst in our lives we wouldn’t know what the best really is. I found out so many things about myself. I learned the hard way that hearing God’s voice for yourself is an absolute must, and that it is imperative to be a lover of God first - not man and his opinion. 

The next five years are a blur. They were filled with so many great things I had only hoped for my life. I am an advocate for living the life you’ve always wanted to live. I learned early on that sitting around and waiting for this or that to happen will only result in lost time. Go! Enjoy life. 

As much life and enjoyment the last five years have held for me, my heart could only be satisfied temporarily. I was still hurt from my “misstep”. To be convinced of something and then have it not happen is a hard thing to get over. If you handle disappointment like I do, you just push it to the back of your mind, shove it deep down in your heart and don’t think about it. The problem with this method is that it still exists. That longing is still there. 

I still wanted to go. A trip to Uganda in January of 2009 reminded me so vividly. I came home and was a certified wreck for the next few months. Trying to figure out as best as I could how to get back on the track that I felt I was supposed to be on. That’s where the issue came in. I was trying so hard to figure it out. I believe God designed me to be a planner, however I cannot plan God. I need to trust His working in my life and His ability to open doors that I cannot open on my own. My life is a huge testament to this. I have always been unqualified for everything, yet somehow things work out. That is the God we serve! 

Since I couldn’t figure it out, I got frustrated and again, shoved things to the back. I even applied for jobs that I knew would only provide satisfaction temporarily. 

But, this God…

He’s too kind for that. He’s too gracious for that. 

He has an ability of bringing things into extreme focus and clarity that we have no other option but to say,

Yes, of course. 

2 January 2011 ·

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